Ladies,
I don't know about you but when I was growing up, I had no control over my own life.
I was told how to think, how to feel, how to behave and worst of all the definition I was taught of what it meant to be a woman destroyed me.
For me being a woman was being submissive. It meant making sure honor was above all. That I never did anything to bring shame to my family. Ever watched Mulan? Yeah, I definitely related to her.
From a very young age I knew what violation felt like. I learned what the consequences of not being allowed to have boundaries were. But no matter how excessive the pain was, I had to stay silent.
To share my pain meant showing everyone that my upbringing was flawed, it meant opening the door to the truth behind the girl who always said yes; and no one could ever know that.
For a long time, I did blame my parents for all the trauma I faced, all the abuse I fell victim to but fast forward to today I no longer blame them because I now understand that they themselves were victims.
After all you can only teach what you know and hurt people often will hurt people.
However, once I started on my path to healing, I learned what the importance of embracing your feminine energy was. I realized that without finding love within yourself it would be impossible to find your glow.
That meant getting uncomfortable. It meant looking into the mirror and instead of seeing the reflection of the girl I was in that moment and force myself to see the reflection of the woman I desperately wanted to be.
I had to learn to say things to myself I did not believe and force myself to repeat phrases that felt foreign to me. Saying things like "I am worthy" or "I love and accept myself" felt like I was coughing up poison.
Learning to set boundaries... now that was a challenge.
It was not my normal. Chaos and dysfunction and that made letting go of the girl I once was so much harder.
Choosing to change who you are into who you want to be is a daily conscious effort.
Even today almost 7 years since I first started my journey, I still find myself struggling to choose myself on those tough days when the responsibilities start piling up.
Even today I am still working on myself and learning what else I can do to step into my power to become the woman I strive to be.
To step into your power as a woman means to love every cell in your body unconditionally. You accept yourself for your strengths and flaws. The values that you base your internal beliefs on are not only aligned but they are your anchor that grounds you when you feel your ground shaking.
You are so much more than your fears! You are resilient, strong and fully capable of achieving everything plus more! All you have to do is hold onto that dream and take a step forward.
I wrote this blog in hopes to inspire a woman out there who feels like she is stuck in this dark pit with no ladder to get out. Most days may seem tough, and it may feel like there is no answer or that there is so much pain inside of you that you wouldn't even know where to begin to heal.
But that doesn't have to be your whole story. You can heal! You need to believe and most importantly make the hardest decision of committing to yourself.
